...as I fall into madness, as I seek the unseekable, as I die...the winds of winter blow.
Poetic, no? I cannot help but be poetic whilst listening to Lacrimosa (the song I keep listening to is called My Last Goodbye...I'll post a clip at the end.)
So...what do we do? Where do we go? Who do we love? Who do we hate? Do we even need to hate? Can some of us forget how to love?
What I must know is what defines right and wrong? Or are they just words...just dust in the wind? There are such details to what is okay and what is not...and they change for each person.
Closeness between humans is tested by human law like no one's business...and it is is a good thing oft...but I cannot help but feel frustrated. Not necessarily by humanity's laws of government...but rather by the unwritten, unchallenged, one-size-fits-all, idealistic, and someone retarded rules of society. American Society. Bleh.
How far can two people be in years?
Abraxas
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Looking past what is...
...is very, very, very hard to do sometimes. For some it is impossible. For others it is like breathing.
I realize that I am stuck. Truthfully stuck. Like falling into waste deep mud. I am, as they say, stuck in a rut. I cannot seem to get out of my nervous, obsessive, lazy (et cetera) mind set. I have put too much credence into earthly things. I feel like I have lost my spiritual side.
I mean, I knew I lost it after all that time I spent depressed in the basement. That was worse than being stuck in the mud...that was cold as death. Not to mention our house is both haunted and infused with negative energy. I became overridden with anger, depression, thoughts of suicide...et cetera...it wasn't good. There had only been one thing during that time tying me to sanity...
I, thanks to my mom, pulled out of that...but it left me scarred.
I haven't been able to truly gain myself back...and I now am suffering the consequences of that such truth.
How does one reclaim a connection to the Divine? How does one re balance the energies of Light and Dark?
Dammit...I feel so lost...but lost in only one way. More like...stuck. Stuck in a rut.
I need to reclaim my spiritual side...I need to look past what is.
I need to see Truths. I mean...I see Truths. I have deep thoughts on spiritual ideas...and even beyond that. Yet, still not enough!
It seems that the only thing to do is gain discipline and continue to study the beauty in the world, and allow myself to only see beauty...or is that blinding?
I have been told many times I need to just stop worrying about the how...and just allow it to happen. I used to be able to do that, but I cannot find myself able to let go of my paranoia and give into the godforce of All.
Why I cannot is beyond me...and yes I have noticed how much "I" has been written in this post...I have been strangely aware of that. However, this post is about myself...and what I need to do...maybe some of you, my friends, have some spiritual advice?
Love and Blessings,
Abraxas I.:.A.:.O.:.
I realize that I am stuck. Truthfully stuck. Like falling into waste deep mud. I am, as they say, stuck in a rut. I cannot seem to get out of my nervous, obsessive, lazy (et cetera) mind set. I have put too much credence into earthly things. I feel like I have lost my spiritual side.
I mean, I knew I lost it after all that time I spent depressed in the basement. That was worse than being stuck in the mud...that was cold as death. Not to mention our house is both haunted and infused with negative energy. I became overridden with anger, depression, thoughts of suicide...et cetera...it wasn't good. There had only been one thing during that time tying me to sanity...
I, thanks to my mom, pulled out of that...but it left me scarred.
I haven't been able to truly gain myself back...and I now am suffering the consequences of that such truth.
How does one reclaim a connection to the Divine? How does one re balance the energies of Light and Dark?
Dammit...I feel so lost...but lost in only one way. More like...stuck. Stuck in a rut.
I need to reclaim my spiritual side...I need to look past what is.
I need to see Truths. I mean...I see Truths. I have deep thoughts on spiritual ideas...and even beyond that. Yet, still not enough!
It seems that the only thing to do is gain discipline and continue to study the beauty in the world, and allow myself to only see beauty...or is that blinding?
I have been told many times I need to just stop worrying about the how...and just allow it to happen. I used to be able to do that, but I cannot find myself able to let go of my paranoia and give into the godforce of All.
Why I cannot is beyond me...and yes I have noticed how much "I" has been written in this post...I have been strangely aware of that. However, this post is about myself...and what I need to do...maybe some of you, my friends, have some spiritual advice?
Love and Blessings,
Abraxas I.:.A.:.O.:.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Where are we in the end?
Human experience seems to be one of extremes and imbalance...
One man runs wild in the realm of freedom/chaos
One man stands like stone in discipline/order
I ask you as a fellow being experiencing the human experience...When will we learn to reach a balance? When will life actually work?
I am pretty sure I am failing this Game of Life at the moment...
I have been told I need to become a man...and ascend from my childish ways of doing things. Maybe I should stop looking for a Right of Passage...and simply go out into the world and let the Initiation into Manhood come to me.
That is why I am being pushed out on my own at 18, and I truly am happy to be able to set on my own quest. But...where do I start? How do I do it? I need to find some fellow seekers to journey with and fast.
I am rather scared about what lies ahead.
But I know this:
There is Life. That is it. Life is. Life is not good, Life is not bad...Life is GOD, and GOD is perfect. That being said...one must either see the perfection, or be blinded by it and see only horror and disgust.
It is time to choose, I say unto thyn self.
Blessed Be,
Abraxas I.:.A.:.O.:.
One man runs wild in the realm of freedom/chaos
One man stands like stone in discipline/order
I ask you as a fellow being experiencing the human experience...When will we learn to reach a balance? When will life actually work?
I am pretty sure I am failing this Game of Life at the moment...
I have been told I need to become a man...and ascend from my childish ways of doing things. Maybe I should stop looking for a Right of Passage...and simply go out into the world and let the Initiation into Manhood come to me.
That is why I am being pushed out on my own at 18, and I truly am happy to be able to set on my own quest. But...where do I start? How do I do it? I need to find some fellow seekers to journey with and fast.
I am rather scared about what lies ahead.
But I know this:
There is Life. That is it. Life is. Life is not good, Life is not bad...Life is GOD, and GOD is perfect. That being said...one must either see the perfection, or be blinded by it and see only horror and disgust.
It is time to choose, I say unto thyn self.
Blessed Be,
Abraxas I.:.A.:.O.:.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Hailing in the New Year...2009! Hailing to Change, Enlightenment, Ascention, Truth, and Death/Rebirth!
Change is coming. Change is always coming.
Because of the simple Truth that is:
Change is Death, Death is. Life is equal to Death...as they cycle.
Change thus is a true symbol, rather than a word, meaning the cycle of life and death.
This cycle is such a beautiful thing. There is so much beauty in life...so much! Living is such an amazing journey, and death is just as beautiful...if not more so!
Life and Death do not just refer to lifetimes and beings. They also refer to everything.
2007 was for me a year of great death. I severed connections with my Father. I became an unschooler. I moved out of California...and living in Oregon was the first state I have lived in outside of Southern California... It truly was a great and powerful year of death. It was a Winter Year.
This past year (feels weird to say that), 2008, was a Summer/and Partial Spring Year. It was a year of suffering, divine suffering. There was some suffering in the end of 2007..but then again fertility came after Wintery Death...and pregnancy, I have been told, is more than painful. The essence of summer is fire, and 2008 was definitely a trial by fire! And the pangs of birth are coming to an end...2009 I believe shall be a harvest year!
Now...that being said, we must make a conscious decision to enter the New Realms of Thought and Spiritual Ascention of the Mind. If we as a people do not make at least a midium-sized Leap of Enlightenment on a level that is close to our Consious Mind, I will be honest, the un-awakened/un-enlightened/sleepwalking zombie people/cancerous humans/those focused on the material 100% will for the most part be blown away with the Winds of Change. Possibly in 2012. Maybe the coming of RivFader? (probably not...but keep an eye out for the White Serpent in the Nordic Sky, heh).
The Time has come to reveal secrets, and retain some for the safety of those who need them. Time has come to see beyond Time (and space).
I beleive those who live the Alternative Lifestyles, those who do not choose to conform...but rather chose to see beyond, either spiritually, artistically, intellectually, et cetera, will lead the revolutions of Truth. It may take longer than just a huge flash...or there made be a firey burst of change. I also beleive that the spiritual alts will be the stongest and most needed people in the coming Aeon of Truth.
Blessings my Friends, Foes, and Neutral readers...as alligments will oneday die too, it matters not what side you are on...or maybe it does...we can never be 100% sure of anything...but we can beleive.
May the Waves of Change be a Blessing not a Burdon to you all (thus you may want to seek out a new way of seeing the world),
Abraxas, the Alternative Wizard.
Hail RivFader! I.:.A.:.O.:.
Post Scriptum: Forgot to mention...Happy New Year, Brothers and Sistes of the Tribe of Gaia.
Because of the simple Truth that is:
Change is Death, Death is. Life is equal to Death...as they cycle.
Change thus is a true symbol, rather than a word, meaning the cycle of life and death.
This cycle is such a beautiful thing. There is so much beauty in life...so much! Living is such an amazing journey, and death is just as beautiful...if not more so!
Life and Death do not just refer to lifetimes and beings. They also refer to everything.
2007 was for me a year of great death. I severed connections with my Father. I became an unschooler. I moved out of California...and living in Oregon was the first state I have lived in outside of Southern California... It truly was a great and powerful year of death. It was a Winter Year.
This past year (feels weird to say that), 2008, was a Summer/and Partial Spring Year. It was a year of suffering, divine suffering. There was some suffering in the end of 2007..but then again fertility came after Wintery Death...and pregnancy, I have been told, is more than painful. The essence of summer is fire, and 2008 was definitely a trial by fire! And the pangs of birth are coming to an end...2009 I believe shall be a harvest year!
Now...that being said, we must make a conscious decision to enter the New Realms of Thought and Spiritual Ascention of the Mind. If we as a people do not make at least a midium-sized Leap of Enlightenment on a level that is close to our Consious Mind, I will be honest, the un-awakened/un-enlightened/sleepwalking zombie people/cancerous humans/those focused on the material 100% will for the most part be blown away with the Winds of Change. Possibly in 2012. Maybe the coming of RivFader? (probably not...but keep an eye out for the White Serpent in the Nordic Sky, heh).
The Time has come to reveal secrets, and retain some for the safety of those who need them. Time has come to see beyond Time (and space).
I beleive those who live the Alternative Lifestyles, those who do not choose to conform...but rather chose to see beyond, either spiritually, artistically, intellectually, et cetera, will lead the revolutions of Truth. It may take longer than just a huge flash...or there made be a firey burst of change. I also beleive that the spiritual alts will be the stongest and most needed people in the coming Aeon of Truth.
Blessings my Friends, Foes, and Neutral readers...as alligments will oneday die too, it matters not what side you are on...or maybe it does...we can never be 100% sure of anything...but we can beleive.
May the Waves of Change be a Blessing not a Burdon to you all (thus you may want to seek out a new way of seeing the world),
Abraxas, the Alternative Wizard.
Hail RivFader! I.:.A.:.O.:.
Post Scriptum: Forgot to mention...Happy New Year, Brothers and Sistes of the Tribe of Gaia.
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