At the Tearing of the Void....

At the Tearing of the Void...the world one knows shatters. One Denies it. Then One is Sorrowful over it. Then the taste of acid forms on the tounge...and one's words and thoughts become bitter.

Why?

And why is it one can be at complete and utter peace with it all, and still feel bitter at people...with extra venom towards those who, often, don't even bother you?
Yet, at the same time, one feels need and want to be close to people...to hold or hug someone...
The Void as been torn, the world has been shattered.

Only Peace and Love can create a new reality now.

Aho,
.:.Abraxas.:.

Why is it...?

Why is it Death seems to bring people closer together? I find this a most bizarre occurance in the human experiance.
But then again...why not?

...
I.A.O.
Abraxas

Behold! Before thy very eyes...Gods and Demons...Awaken ye masses...Awaken...

For Aeons and Aeons and Aeons and Aeons...the Realms of Mankind have been that of chaos. Why?
Chaos is a bad thing when left alone. So is Order.
However, when we have Chaos and Order in a perfect Balance...then we have divinity. Then we have Allness.
So if that balance really is Allness, then through about 777 paradigms we should be able to say that that balance exists.
For the Allness is Allness, thus everything and nothing contains and is contained within the Balance of Chaos and Order. Also that said Balance is contains the Allness, just as the Allness is one with it. Does this make sense? If it makes sense on a level more than drooling at the screen, then you may be on your way to Mystical Madness...

On a more personal level:

My Grandmother is dying. She has a few days to a week left...at most.
Most probably a few days is pushing it. I will not get to see her one last time, and I am trying to be at peace with that...for every one's sake.
I find it odd, as all of this makes no sense...
but even beyond that is with all the Mysticism I have studied concerning Death...all the Philosophy, Rationalization, Mystification, uncovering of Mysteries et cetera I have undertaken about Death...
It is overwhelming. And even as I type these words, I feel numb to it all. Yet it random shrill shocks of Truth, I feel the crushing understanding. I am probably trying to block it off. I won't even see her again in this life. My only solice is I will see her again, after I die...Or maybe before...
I miss her. I will miss her.

What is Life without Death? What is Death without Life?
The Circle of Life(and Death) will always turn. The River of Existence shall forever flow. It is part of the experience.
For if a man never is touched by Death, then he has not had half of the experience of existence. And if a man is never touched by life, he is but a dead man walking.

To know thyself in life, thou must know thyself in death.

Behold! The Mighty Statues of Power! The Idols of the Past...for they hold for us the lessons we need in this new Aeon of Fools.

Know Thyself,
Abraxas
I.A.O.

So long has it been since my last post on this blog of mystical information and madman's ranting...

I feel the winds of change always, as do you all. Some of you choose to go numb and look the other way. It is as if you fear change, if you so choose to look the other way. Why is it we choose to fear that which we do not understand? Is not life the great journey to understand? Must everything remain an occult mysterie? I am sure many occultist would have it be this way...keep things from the "muggles". Keep all the normal folk, the unspiritual, the uninitiated...unenlightened in the dark. Yes, keep them ALL in the dark. For if we let our secrets out, we loose power. This is true. Knowlledge is Power. Gnosis is Divinity. However; as occultists, spiritual masters, gurus, wizards, shamans, et cetera...it is our duty to lead the those whos Dharma does not include seeking the unknownable truths. To guide the masses into knew levels of awareness. It is if, when on the other side putting things into order for our next incarnation, all the spiritual masters gathered and declared an Order of Messianic Leaders...to guide people...to show them the light (or enlightened shadow, however you choose to channel energy). We should know what information to show, and what to be exclusive with. Knowlledge is Power, and Power is dangerous. Some people honestly are not ready for certain truths...not ready for certain Gnostic Enlightenments...

My question to you, dear reader, is the following:
If you are a spiritual seeker, guru, occultist, metaphysician, (et cetera)...do you ever meditate on or think deeply about the topic of withholding information, or being careful with whom who share?
And for those who are not the mystics menttioned abouve...do you ever wonder about the unknown? Do you ever think about what is out there, that you do not understand or know about...but someone else very well may understand or known about? Also: do you ever find yourself wanting to take up a path of understanding the Mysteries? Do you ever feel your Dharma shifting to that of a spiritual path? Or maybe not shifting, but it was your truest Will to follow that said path...and you just been blind to it, or suppressed it?

Aho.

Give love to those who deserve it and return it in full, and give even more to those who are bitter...

Blessings,
Abraxas

Blows now does winds of Winter....

...as I fall into madness, as I seek the unseekable, as I die...the winds of winter blow.

Poetic, no? I cannot help but be poetic whilst listening to Lacrimosa (the song I keep listening to is called My Last Goodbye...I'll post a clip at the end.)

So...what do we do? Where do we go? Who do we love? Who do we hate? Do we even need to hate? Can some of us forget how to love?

What I must know is what defines right and wrong? Or are they just words...just dust in the wind? There are such details to what is okay and what is not...and they change for each person.

Closeness between humans is tested by human law like no one's business...and it is is a good thing oft...but I cannot help but feel frustrated. Not necessarily by humanity's laws of government...but rather by the unwritten, unchallenged, one-size-fits-all, idealistic, and someone retarded rules of society. American Society. Bleh.

How far can two people be in years?

Abraxas

Looking past what is...

...is very, very, very hard to do sometimes. For some it is impossible. For others it is like breathing.

I realize that I am stuck. Truthfully stuck. Like falling into waste deep mud. I am, as they say, stuck in a rut. I cannot seem to get out of my nervous, obsessive, lazy (et cetera) mind set. I have put too much credence into earthly things. I feel like I have lost my spiritual side.

I mean, I knew I lost it after all that time I spent depressed in the basement. That was worse than being stuck in the mud...that was cold as death. Not to mention our house is both haunted and infused with negative energy. I became overridden with anger, depression, thoughts of suicide...et cetera...it wasn't good. There had only been one thing during that time tying me to sanity...

I, thanks to my mom, pulled out of that...but it left me scarred.
I haven't been able to truly gain myself back...and I now am suffering the consequences of that such truth.

How does one reclaim a connection to the Divine? How does one re balance the energies of Light and Dark?

Dammit...I feel so lost...but lost in only one way. More like...stuck. Stuck in a rut.

I need to reclaim my spiritual side...I need to look past what is.

I need to see Truths. I mean...I see Truths. I have deep thoughts on spiritual ideas...and even beyond that. Yet, still not enough!

It seems that the only thing to do is gain discipline and continue to study the beauty in the world, and allow myself to only see beauty...or is that blinding?

I have been told many times I need to just stop worrying about the how...and just allow it to happen. I used to be able to do that, but I cannot find myself able to let go of my paranoia and give into the godforce of All.

Why I cannot is beyond me...and yes I have noticed how much "I" has been written in this post...I have been strangely aware of that. However, this post is about myself...and what I need to do...maybe some of you, my friends, have some spiritual advice?

Love and Blessings,
Abraxas I.:.A.:.O.:.

Where are we in the end?

Human experience seems to be one of extremes and imbalance...

One man runs wild in the realm of freedom/chaos
One man stands like stone in discipline/order

I ask you as a fellow being experiencing the human experience...When will we learn to reach a balance? When will life actually work?

I am pretty sure I am failing this Game of Life at the moment...

I have been told I need to become a man...and ascend from my childish ways of doing things. Maybe I should stop looking for a Right of Passage...and simply go out into the world and let the Initiation into Manhood come to me.

That is why I am being pushed out on my own at 18, and I truly am happy to be able to set on my own quest. But...where do I start? How do I do it? I need to find some fellow seekers to journey with and fast.

I am rather scared about what lies ahead.

But I know this:
There is Life. That is it. Life is. Life is not good, Life is not bad...Life is GOD, and GOD is perfect. That being said...one must either see the perfection, or be blinded by it and see only horror and disgust.

It is time to choose, I say unto thyn self.

Blessed Be,
Abraxas I.:.A.:.O.:.